


Warcraft

by Glassdyr



Category: The Transformers (Cartoon Generation One), Transformers Generation One
Genre: Gen, Snowball Fight, Swearing, they/them Soundwave
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 09:17:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17444120
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Glassdyr/pseuds/Glassdyr
Summary: Frenzy threw the first snowball, and it all went downhill from there.





	Warcraft

**Author's Note:**

> Frenzy and Rumble are pretty permeable in regards to human culture, especially in all the ways humans can be vulgar. 'Fuck' does have more weight to it than 'frag', after all.
> 
> This runs on slight change in canon, where the Ark crashes into Mount St. Helens in Washington instead of the fictional Mount St. Hilary, which was inspired by St. Helens. That's why we're in a winter wonderland and not the American southwest. Canon events still occur as normal, though, as referenced by Rumble -- not that canon has much hold on anything in the G1 cartoon.

Rumble sighed melodramatically and sat down in the snow, propping his cheek on his fist as he stared out into the white expanse around the Decepticon base.

Frenzy, long past the point of ennui, was drawing little shapes in the snow with his finger. He glanced over his shoulder at his brother with an amused look. “You’re gonna freeze your aft off in the snow.”

“If I lose my aft from this, maybe I won’t have to come back out here.” Rumble flopped back into the snow and splayed himself out like a starfish. Though the brothers were enraptured with the snow at the start of winter, two months of heavy snowfall and all that came with it – slippery ice, frigid wind, and an entire landscape of white that burned optics with reflected sunlight – had turned both of them off winter.

“Seriously? An injury from _sentry duty?_ You’re gonna be doing this job for the rest of time if Soundwave thinks you’re too stupid for grunt work.” He did his best imitation of Soundwave’s heavily-synthesized voice: “ _Rumble:_ _must learn to perform sentry duty without losing vital frame components.”_

Rumble laughed aloud. “Hey, that’s a pretty good impression! Lemme try.” The cassette cleared his throat dramatically. _“Soundwave: superior. Cassettes…_ uh… _**more superior.**_ ”

Frenzy walked over and lightly kicked his brother in the side, snickering gleefully despite himself. “You’re awful. That sounds _nothing_ like him.”

“Yeah, well, it got you to laugh. And don’t kick snow on me, it’s cold enough out here.” Rumble pointedly brushed the snow off his torso.

“So, you can lay in an entire snowbank, but I can’t flick a little snow on you? Is that how it works?”

“Yup. That’s how it works. Because I’m _choosing_ to lay in the snow. This? Is _my_ snow. It’s not as cold as _your_ snow that you just kicked on me.” Rumble raised a servo and waggled his fingers, implying the mystic sagaciousness of his words. “Logic, Frenzy. Something you wouldn’t understand.”

Frenzy scoffed. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard, and I’ve heard a lot of dumb things coming from you.”

“Maybe you should keep drawing little pictures over there in the snow, Frenzy.” Rumble folded his arms coolly behind his head. “I don’t know if my logic is really your speed.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Use your logic and see how you can make these…” Frenzy checked his chronometer. “…next _four Earth hours_ go by quicker.” The sound cassette let out a long-suffering sigh, much like Rumble’s earlier. “I swear, we’re gonna die out here. I’m gonna offline myself if nothing happens. Like, I almost _want_ the Autobots to show up just so we can pick a fight with ‘em and have something to do.”

Suddenly, Frenzy was struck with a beautiful idea like a thunderclap through his processor, an idea so pure of intent and lucid of reason that it far surpassed the brilliancy of Rumble’s logic. It was doubtful the Autobots would show up at this exact moment, true, but there were other ways to pick a fight for entertainment.

Frenzy stooped down and started to form a little ball out of snow.

“Y’know, Frenzy? That’s not such a bad idea. Fighting Autobots, not offlining ourselves, I mean. I really wanna teach that big green spike-sucker, Hound, a lesson after the battle at the dam. I’m gonna _fossilise_ him in the biggest fissure I can –”

A ball of snow hit him directly in the mouth.

“— what the _fuck_ , Frenzy?! _”_ squawked Rumble, voice pitching up in shock and indignation as he spit out bits of melted snow.

The guilty minicon almost fell over laughing as he scrambled down the hill, away from his brother’s assured retaliation.

“Get _back_ here –“ Rumble tore up out of the snow and started down the hill after Frenzy, but immediately slipped on a patch of ice hidden under the snow; he overcorrected terribly and landed right on his rear with a yelp.

“Primus! Frenzy, I think I actually broke my aft –”

Frenzy couldn’t breathe in enough to get a coherent reply out with how hard he was laughing. Between bursts of hysterics, Frenzy managed to gasp, “There’s – no way you – actually –”

“Oh, you’re gonna pay for this! I’m gonna have to explain to Hook why my aft fell off! _Frenzy, **you**_ made me lose my _whole aft_ during fucking _sentry duty!”_ roared Rumble, trying to hold back laughter himself. He quickly made a snowball and pitched it with startling accuracy at Frenzy.

Frenzy was running for cover behind a nearby bush, but the sheer force of the snowball that hit him square in the back made him topple face-first into the snow. Crawling on his belly, he managed to make it to the shrub, where he immediately made a snowball and threw it at Rumble.

The snowball exploded across Rumble’s face with a tremendous spray of snow. Two more followed it in rapid succession, blinding Rumble and making him stagger. Frenzy’s message was clear: Rumble wouldn’t be able to get close enough to tackle Frenzy without making himself a very easy target. Giggling, Rumble fled from Frenzy’s bush and made another snowball, this time out of the hard, icy slush at the bottom of the snowdrift to make sure it stung. Immensely proud of his tactical innovation, Rumble flung his work of art at Frenzy –

– and the minicon dodged it easily by ducking behind the bush. He laughed openly as he turned to watch the snowball splatter on the ground behind him. “Better work on your aim if you actually wanna hit me!”

Cursing, Rumble stooped to make another snowball, but was interrupted when snow sprayed across his side, making him yelp with the sheer cold. “Damnit, Frenzy –“ Another hit him in the side of the head; from across the field, he could hear Frenzy laughing wildly.

He wasn’t going to get anywhere standing out in the open like this. He dove into the snow, letting his weight carry him easily down, and started to excavate a little foxhole, building up one side to defend against Frenzy’s projectiles.

Rumble peeked his head up over the small wall he pushed together, and ducked quickly when he saw a perfectly spherical snowball sailing right for his head. When he heard the projectile smash against his wall of snow, he laughed boisterously with glee, feeling invincible behind the tiny wall of snow that barely spanned his shoulders.

He quickly scrabbled together a small pile of snowballs, ignoring Frenzy’s shouts to come out of hiding. Grinning wildly, he threw one, letting Frenzy dodge it. When his brother rose back up to return fire, as expected, he threw his snowballs rapid-fire with both servos, cackling as Frenzy took two direct hits.

This, however, was the extent of the hits either brother could achieve. It was trench warfare in its truest form, an unbreakable stalemate, and both Frenzy and Rumble realised this quickly.

However, nothing could make them stop and willingly return to their perch at the top of the cliff, staring out at the white expanse, where it was assured that _nothing_ would happen and there would be _nothing_ to report on the expanse of _nothingness_ around the Decepticon’s mountain.

Rumble took in his surroundings, expertly dodging the snowballs that sailed towards his head whenever he peeked out from behind his wall. The only thing of note, save for the grove of pines behind them and the cliff that overshadowed their battle, was a lone pine tree, whose branches hung a snowdrift tantalizingly above Frenzy’s base.

Rumble giggled. Primus _built_ him for this moment, to get that snowdrift off those branches and onto Frenzy’s stupid, unsuspecting head without setting foot from behind his wall.

He transformed his servos into his trademark piledrivers and starting pounding the ground, shaking the nearby trees with the small earthquake he generated. He only got two or three hits in, though, before he heard Frenzy frantically yelling from across the field: “Stop! _Stop!!_ You’ll get Soundwave –”

Frenzy was cut off by a pile of snow falling directly on his head and swallowing him. It would have been a beautiful sight, damn near a work of art, if not for the thick horror that filled Rumble when he understood what Frenzy meant. If Soundwave came out here to investigate and they were both covered in snow, clearly doing anything else except sentry duty, they’d be stuck cleaning the washracks for weeks.

Rumble froze, afraid to even move and make any more noise, and stared at the subtle bulge in the mountain that marked the hidden entrance of the Decepticon base. He waited with shaky anticipation, like a child sneaking around the house at night, for Soundwave to storm out and catch them in the act.

Frenzy excavated himself from the snowdrift and shook himself off like a wet dog, flinging snow in every direction. He, too, watched the door intensely, expecting the worst as the seconds ticked by slowly with no one emerging.

When he figured the coast was clear, Frenzy snagged one of his stockpiled snowballs and slung it at Rumble, who was completely exposed as he watched the base for Soundwave. It hit Rumble with stunning accuracy and a deeply rewarding scream of surprise, high-pitched and undignified, from his twin. With that, their time-out was wordlessly lifted; Rumble was all too eager to return fire, hoping to destroy Frenzy’s base so he could tackle his brother to the ground and rub his face in the snow, just as he deserved for almost breaking his aft.

 

 

xXx

 

 

Laserbeak and Buzzsaw were both taking a well-deserved nap, the pair resting side-by-side on a special perch hooked into the wall of Soundwave’s quarters. They’d finished recon about an hour before, reporting only that the Autobots were engaging in maintenance and playing host to their human allies. The more social Autobots were partaking in a bizarre human holiday revolving around heavily decorated trees and gift-giving.

As the Autobots on Earth were almost entirely ground units, they struggled to traverse the deep snow, with the mechs built for speed or stealth shut in. Laserbeak and Buzzsaw were able to confirm the unlikelihood of the Autobots leading any offensive plans, leaving the Decepticons open to scheme and harvest energon with their stronger aerial faction.

Not that mobility in the winter weather was a strong advantage for fliers. The air was frigid and windy, making for painful flying conditions even for an armoured seeker; with their smaller bodies and thinner plating, Buzzsaw and Laserbeak were exhausted and stiff-winged after just one recon mission. Earth’s winter seemed to be crafted to be as miserable as can be for flight-capable mechs, with cold that bit through to the protoform and gales that started and stopped randomly, making the skies feel slippery and unstable.

It was a blessing winter would only last another two months or so.

Suddenly, the walls of Soundwave’s quarters began to shake slightly. The two mechavultures awoke, peeved at their balance being shaken from the small quake, before they realised that the shaking had a steady rhythm to it, like the pounding of a drum.

Although the quake stopped as soon as it started, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw pulled themselves from their dozing as they realised the earthquake’s source to be Rumble, even though there was no distress signal or announcement of approaching Autobot ranks.

Flicking through the day’s schedule in his processor, Buzzsaw noted with a little laugh that Rumble and Frenzy were both on sentry duty – something the brothers hated with a passion. Doubtlessly, the two had picked a fight with each other to alleviate their boredom, something they’d done many times before. He’d lived with the brothers for far too long to not know them to be very, very predictable.

Buzzsaw glanced over at Laserbeak and saw that she was already raising herself up from her roost. Laserbeak looked at Buzzsaw pointedly, as if inquiring light-heartedly, _Are you coming or not?_ True to form, the red minicon loved fights and drama and was eager to watch the two brothers quarrel, especially if it turned physical.

Buzzsaw raised up off the perch as well and opened Soundwave’s door with a mental command, wordlessly answering Laserbeak. There was no harm in at least spectating what was sure to be an entertaining fight; and if Laserbeak started egging the brothers on, as Buzzsaw was sure she would, that would make it all the better.

The two minicons took off and flew for an auxiliary exit that would take them straight to Frenzy and Rumble’s station. No matter the weather, a brotherly fight was something neither cassette would miss for anything.

 

 

xXx

 

 

 

Frenzy poked his head up from behind his trusty shrub as he prepared another ice-coated snowball. “Hey, Rumble! Why don’t you get out here and face me like a real mech?!” He ducked to dodge an incoming snowball.

“Same goes for you! You’re hiding behind that bush like you hide behind Soundwave in a fight!”

Frenzy dramatically gasped with a servo over his mouth, as if scandalised by Rumble’s accusation. “You only see me hiding behind Soundwave because you’re the one _kissing his aft_ all the time!”

Rumble laughed loudly and yelled, “Oh, I’m gonna dismantle you for that one!”

“Gotta beat me first! Not like that’s gonna happen…” Frenzy trailed off as noticed two familiar minicons soaring in lazy circles above them like scavengers surveying a kill.

Rumble was the first to shout up at Buzzsaw and Laserbeak. “Hey, bird-brains! You just gonna watch, or are you gonna help me out?”

“Wait, what? That’s not fair! You can’t have an entire _air force_ on your side!”

“It’s just how the croissant crumbles, Frenzy. Laserbeak! Get down here!”

The minicon in question banked slightly and descended towards Rumble, as if she were tempted to join, before looping back around to Frenzy’s side. She circled the battlefield just above their heads, always seeming to slow and descend over one side before moving on to the other side. Meanwhile, Buzzsaw wheeled high above the battlefield impartially, watching with clear amusement.

Rumble pitched a snowball at Laserbeak when he got close enough and managed to graze one of her wings. Though the snowball didn’t hit with any force, the red vulture kicked her thrusters into gear and dove towards the offending minicon, speeding parallel to the ground directly for Rumble. As Rumble yelled and stumbled to get out of the way, Laserbeak turned sharply and let her body skid through the snow towards Rumble, spraying snow in a small tidal wave all over his front. Before he could retaliate, she easily took off again, flicking her wingtips smugly.

Laserbeak soared easily across the field to Frenzy’s territory and perched gracefully atop the bush. She laughed as well as she could without a vocal processor – a strange breathy, hissed noise – as she watched Rumble yell curses and fling snow off himself.

Frenzy looked over Laserbeak appraisingly. “So, you’re on my side?”

Laserbeak blinked and shrugged her wings a little, a light of amusement in her optics.

“For the moment, you are. Got it.”

The condor pointedly looked up at Buzzsaw; he was still circling but watching keenly, head flicking between the two opposing sides of the clearing as Rumble shouted up at him to join his side. Frenzy, well-versed in Laserbeak and Buzzsaw’s body language, understood the cassette easily. He said, “Yeah, I’m not sure what Buzzsaw wants to do either. He’s always rooted for the underdog and all that shit, so he’s probably going to help Rumble.”

As Frenzy predicted, Rumble’s calls to Buzzsaw were heeded, and the yellow minicon flew down and landed out of sight in Rumble’s natty little foxhole.

Laserbeak shook her head disappointedly and sighed, a rough sound like a decompressing air canister.

“Yeah, I hear you. Shoulda joined the _winning side,_ am I right?” Frenzy grinned and held out a servo for a high five, either not caring or forgetting that the condor woefully lacked arms.

Laserbeak stared at Frenzy’s servo for a moment before awkwardly bumping it with her beak. Despite Laserbeak’s lackluster attempt, Frenzy cheered like he just received the high five of the millennia.

“Hell yeah! Welcome to Team Frenzybeak, baby! Now, here’s what we’re gonna do…”

He gestured to the small pile of snowballs he had at his side. “We’re gonna stick _these_ in _there_ –“ he pointed at Laserbeak’s subspace compartment in her underside “– and you gonna drop them over _there!_ ” Frenzy giggled villainously at the ingeniousness of his plan.

Laserbeak blinked at him, mildly insulted that she was being treated as a mindless strike drone. But she didn’t really have anything better to do, did she? In any case, she could record Rumble’s screams as she rained frigid projectiles from above for future blackmail material.

The thought made Laserbeak smile with mischievous optics. She leaned back slightly and opened up her chest subspace.

Meanwhile, across the field, Rumble had much the same plan. “Just dump these right on his head! Oh, this is gonna be so good…” Rumble, though couldn’t fit any more than five snowballs in Buzzsaw’s subspace compartment, no matter how he rearranged them. Settling back with a huff, he looked at the condor suspiciously. “Don’t you have more room in there than that?”

Buzzsaw snapped his beak at the minicon angrily.

“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t get offended! I’m just tryin’ to make sure you’re not samba-taging me,” said Rumble as he rudely flicked Buzzsaw’s beak.

 _Sabotaging. The word is sabotaging_ , Buzzsaw thought. Having no way to voice this correction out loud, though, he only rolled his optics and prepared for flight. He made himself a part of this stupid squabble, and he was resigned to see it through, especially if Laserbeak was on the other side.

Rumble laughed loudly and gleefully as he saw Buzzsaw prepare to take off.

Eager to fulfill the bare minimum of his obligation to Rumble, Buzzsaw took flight with as much attitude as he could manage; igniting his thrusters, he leapt off the top of Rumble’s foxhole, hoping to surprise Frenzy before either he or Laserbeak could defend their sad little shrub.

However, he almost crashed into Laserbeak, who was speeding towards Rumble’s half of the field. Buzzsaw banked sharply to avoid a horrific collision, almost throwing himself off balance. Rushing wind streaked along the underside of his wing as Laserbeak narrowly passed him, but he continued on-course towards Frenzy.

The sound of Laserbeak’s turbines was getting stronger, though, not weaker. A quick glance back showed that Laserbeak wasn’t heading for Rumble, but instead had turned around and was tailing Buzzsaw closely.

Laserbeak picked up speed, trying to position Buzzsaw beneath her to drop the payload on _him_ , not Rumble. Realising this, Buzzsaw sped quickly along the ground, trying to stay in front of Laserbeak to avoid being covered in snow. As the two looped around Frenzy’s bush, they heard raucous cheering from the minicon: “Dog _fight!_ Dog _fight!_ Dog _fight!_...”

Buzzsaw was speeding maybe a few inches off the ground, unable to gain altitude with how closely Laserbeak was flanking him. They were so evenly matched in speed that Buzzsaw couldn’t get ahead to safety and avoid the imminent rain of snow. His only hope, then, was to deliberately fall behind.

Buzzsaw dug one leg into the snow and dragged himself almost to a stop, flinging snow up in a wave. Laserbeak continued on for a short distance, caught by surprise, before whipping around to take advantage of Buzzsaw’s deceleration – but the little bit of breathing room the manoeuvre afforded Buzzsaw gave him enough time to evade Laserbeak.

Kicking on his afterburners, Buzzsaw shot across the field and corkscrewed up into the air, narrowly avoiding Laserbeak’s approach. Banking sharply, he locked on to his target, Frenzy, who hadn’t even the chance to realise what was about to happen. Already at full speed with Laserbeak far behind and below him, Buzzsaw swept over the enemy base like a gale and laid out his payload directly on Frenzy’s head.

_Direct hit._

A girlish scream from Frenzy and the captivating sight of him disappearing under a miniature avalanche rewarded him for his efforts. He’d make sure he was entitled to some of Rumble’s evening energon, too, satisfying him even more.

Buzzsaw pulled up and screamed in triumph, a chilling sound somewhere between metallic and organic. He showed off a bit with a few loops and spins, glowing with pride as Rumble cheered in excitement from below.

Buzzsaw, pausing to hover and observe the battlefield, knew full well that he was taking this way too seriously. He also realised he that, by taking this so seriously, he was having the most fun he’d had in a long time.

Suddenly, a splatter of snow struck him from above. Icy water seeped into the seams of his plating and pulled an embarrassing, parrot-like squawk out of him. He looked up just in time to catch Laserbeak soaring away, flicking her wings purposefully and teasingly, before spiraling down to help excavate Frenzy.

The cold hurt almost as much as his pride did. Embarrassed at letting his guard down so easily, he landed back at Rumble’s foxhole and shook the snow out of his plating angrily.

 _This is war_ , Buzzsaw realised. He waited impatiently as Rumble refilled his chest bay, fighting the urge to snap at the minicon to hurry it up. Buzzsaw peeked his head over Rumble’s foxhole just in time to catch Laserbeak staring at him pointedly from across the field.

A charge passed between them, a mutual understanding of just how seriously they were going to take this. Though Rumble and Frenzy were just fooling around and having a grand old time doing it, Laserbeak and Buzzsaw had turned this into something more.

Maybe it was the allure of being able to turn war into a game, any danger of death and injury replaced with the muffled bite of cold snow. Maybe it was an opportunity to prove which identical cassette was the better, if it were even possible. Maybe it was just a much-needed reprieve from the ever-turning cogs of warfare, a moment to roughhouse and play; something that had become increasingly rare as the civil war dragged on.

Neither Buzzsaw nor Laserbeak knew nor cared. _This is war_ , they said to each other, and they shot into the air gleefully and played the game of war with all the energy they had.

 

 

xXx

 

 

It was fifteen minutes past the end of Frenzy and Rumble’s shift, and Soundwave had received no indication that either twin as back at base.

They didn’t expect the twins would actually bother to mark themselves present, of course. Not even Soundwave could get the two to bother to report in when they finished their shift. Rather, Soundwave’s usual mode of knowing that the twins were inside was either loud, obnoxious conversation and laughter or a brotherly spat, both ways of releasing the pent-up energy the two were so quick to accumulate.

Soundwave wasn’t worried, just… concerned. It was far out of character for the brothers to be late getting off shift. It was out of character for _any_ Decepticon to leave their shift late, as a matter of fact, but especially so for Frenzy and Rumble.

The communications officer ran through the alarm system readout for the fourth time and saw (again) that no warnings had been put out, not even a glimpse of an Autobot tailpipe. They flicked through each surveillance camera on the Nemesis (again, as well) and saw no sign of either twin.

It deeply unnerved Soundwave that they saw and heard everything on the Nemesis, and yet had no idea what two of their own symbiotes were doing. They knew _where_ Frenzy and Rumble were, as their coordinates were easily retrieved with a single mental command, answering only one question and raising ten others. Defying all of Soundwave’s expectations, Frenzy and Rumble were still outside the base at their sentry station. Soundwave had no idea what the two were actually _doing_ out there.

It couldn’t be anything good if it kept them outside past their duty shift.

Soundwave rose from their seat at the command centre and left for Rumble and Frenzy’s coordinates, giving up on waiting for them to send in a status report. They didn’t bother trying to comm them; they wanted the symbiotes to have no warning so Soundwave could catch them in the middle of what was sure to be complete debauchery.

Nestled in their chest, Ravage shifted a little, radiating something that felt like anticipation through their bond. Soundwave was tempted to ask what had her attention, but they had a feeling she knew precisely what Frenzy and Rumble were up to. In that case, Soundwave figured they’d see for themself what had Ravage so interested.

Soundwave was fully prepared to be disappointed by his symbiotes’ lack of discipline when he finally got a visual on them.

 

 

xXx

 

 

“Man, even though I explained everything to her, Rav says she’s busy. Busy!” Rumble drew his servo from the commlink on the side of his helm and set about preparing more snowballs, shaking his head with ill-placed paternal disappointment. “What a load of scrap: I bet she’s all cuddled up with Soundwave while we’re out here freezing our bearings off in the middle of a _war!_ ”       

Buzzsaw spread his wings wide and squawked in indignation, making a show of being offended at Ravage’s draft-dodging. How anyone could be so openly undedicated to the Rumblesaw war effort, Buzzsaw had no idea.

“Yeah! I know, right?! She could’ve, like, bought war bonds or something,” replied Rumble. Eyeing an incoming Laserbeak, he pitched a snowball just as she was within range, hitting the sensitive cables where her neck joined her body with accuracy he never achieved in battle with the Autobots. She faltered as the shock of the snow melted into her internals; she aborted her attack and spiraled back to her base with an irritated, corvid _caw!_ over her wing.

“Haha! Now _that’s_ what I call anti-aircraft measures! Anyway, Buzzsaw, we don’t need Ravage.” Rumble flicked one servo dismissively as he shoved snowballs into Buzzsaw’s open subspace compartment with the other. “We got each other, birdbrain.”

Buzzsaw snapped playfully at Rumble’s servo. The minicon laughed and saluted Buzzsaw dramatically, accidentally karate-chopping himself in the face a bit with the force of his salute. “Godspeed, Commander Buzzsaw!”

As Buzzsaw took off with a battle cry, he set his sights on Laserbeak. She was coming in fast from a far angle to finish what she started, darting along the wall of the base and flicking easily over the base’s hidden entrance. With a cocky smile, he picked the biggest, iciest snowball he had from his stockpile; after a little blessing and a kiss, he took aim –

 

 

xXx

 

 

Soundwave keyed open the door to the Decepticon base and stepped outside into the late afternoon chill. They couldn’t tell if they were amazed at the amount of yelling and taunting they heard, clearly indicative of a fight, or completely unsurprised.

They stepped up and into view of the field that spanned the entrance of the Decepticon base, looking for Rumble and Frenzy to pry them off each other. Instead, a dizzyingly fast gale whipped right in front of their faceplates, and they almost staggered back in surprise. Soundwave didn’t have time to register the shape that flew in front of them before –

 

xXx

 

 

– after a little blessing and a kiss, he took aim for Laserbeak.

Just as he threw the snowball, Laserbeak dodged out of the line of fire with an acrobatic spin.

The snowball had just left his servo when he realised that _Soundwave_ had silently materialised, ghostlike, behind Laserbeak.

Time slowed to a crawl, even as the war raged on beside Rumble, its belligerents unaware of the appearance of their commanding officer. In the few milliseconds that Rumble had to watch his projectile sail easily through the air, drawn almost magnetically to Soundwave’s face, his only regret was wasting his snowball’s blessing on _sure aim_ and not _avoid hitting my commander in the face_.

It would have been a beautiful shot if the target was anybody else but Soundwave. The snowball hit the bulls-eye with a marksman’s precision; snow sprayed everywhere across Soundwave’s helm like a volcano’s plume, a lovely fan of ice crystals flying up to refract the afternoon sunlight into fragments of every colour like mist on a spring day.

Knowing full well that he was going to die, Rumble saved a capture of his beautiful mistake to his long-term memory. It would be a great last image to hold onto when Soundwave inevitably executed him.

While an entire age seemed to pass while snow splattered across Soundwave’s faceplates, when the moment finally ended, time contracted again to feel like none had passed at all to Rumble. It was unfortunate; he would’ve given anything to stall that moment forever and avoid the consequences of throwing a snowball at his commanding officer.

By now, Rumble’s unmoving stature and wide-eyed terror had caught both his opponents’ and his ally’s attention, and now all sets of eyes on the battlefield were locked on Soundwave, unmoving as a marble statue. The warzone stilled and fell into a muffled quiet, just as it had before Rumble and Frenzy set foot there hours ago.

Buzzsaw and Laserbeak shared a look from across the field, all feelings of playful warmongering replaced by an innately Decepticon sense of self-preservation. Wordlessly, they kicked on their mufflers and flew out of sight, leaving Rumble and Frenzy to deal with what they started.

The force of the snowball cocked Soundwave’s helm to the side, but their body remained completely still, frozen as they processed the full extent of the situation. They weren’t processing what had hit them and who threw it – there was no question there. Rather, they were leisurely mulling over how to make their symbiotes’ lives miserable for the rest of winter.

Slowly, Soundwave turned their helm to lock optics with Rumble, who was frozen solid mid-throw as if his commander was some big, stupid dinosaur; if he stayed perfectly still, Rumble seemed to think, Soundwave couldn’t see him and would instead opt to chew Frenzy to bits.

Soundwave turned sharply on their heel and stalked to Rumble, maintaining eye contact the whole time. They weren’t angry, actually; in fact, they were a little impressed at what awful luck Rumble and Frenzy had. Though they never found things as funny as Rumble and Frenzy did, they had to admit that if Rumble hit any other commanding officer with a beautifully-formed snowball and a sniper’s aim, they would be laughing out loud as they court martialed Rumble.

They weren’t fond of beating their subordinates, unlike Megatron. Instead, they had many other, much more creative ideas in mind.

As his carrier approached, Rumble snapped to attention with a diligence Soundwave rarely saw, servos crisply folded behind his back and backstrut straight as an iron rod. The only thing that separated Rumble’s appearance from that of an eager, well-disciplined cadet was the mortal terror in his eyes, so bright in his optics that it almost turned them pink.

Soundwave snagged Rumble by the scruff of the neck and dragged him to Frenzy’s side of the battlefield.

While Rumble had nothing to say – whether his vocaliser had stalled out of fear or he recognised the pointlessness of trying to excuse himself, Soundwave didn’t know – Frenzy was different. Adopting the same straight-strutted, at-attention posture, Frenzy started to prattle in panic.

“Soundwave! We were still keeping an optic on our quadrant, nothing woulda got past us, we were watching, I swear, you just walked out at a bad time –”

At least Frenzy recognised that it wasn’t the snowball to the face that had gotten the brothers in trouble. It was the blatant blow-off of sentry duty for the third time in a row that dug their graves and the snowball that buried them.

Soundwave hauled Frenzy up by the back of his neck. Dangling the minicons off the ground, taking care to not choke them, the officer tossed the two twins to the ground before them.

“Rumble, Frenzy: incapable of completing sentry duty. Soundwave: has been far too forgiving despite repeated evidence disproving the logic of that forgiveness.

New duty scheduling: washrack duty for the rest of winter. Including those of the air faction.”

Rumble and Frenzy kept their fear-frozen, stoic expressions, but they relaxed ever so slightly. Clearly, they were expecting worse; although cleaning up after finicky, entitled seekers wasn’t an easy punishment, especially with how keen they would be to take advantage of their own minicon janitors.

“I am not finished.”

The two went rigid once more, almost on command. Soundwave took the moment to enjoy how disciplined and focused the twins were, as they weren’t sure they’d ever see it again.

“If you are so keen to play in the snow, then you will take no issue with recharging in it for the next week.”

Two sets of optics glowed pink in horror. Frenzy was the one to speak up: “Won’t we freeze to death out here? Sir?” In the back of their mind, Soundwave actually found themself a little impressed by Frenzy’s ability to speak for himself – not that it made for a good Decepticon under Megatron’s standards.

Soundwave almost rolled their optics at being called ‘sir’, but didn’t comment. “The temperature will not dip below what your antifreeze can handle for approximately two more weeks. In any case, I will be alerted immediately if either of you even approaches freezing.” Soundwave tilted their head up and looked coolly down at the two over the edge of their face mask. “I will not allow my symbiotes to die over a snowball fight. However, I will let you enjoy the snow while the season lasts. Consider it a favour.”

“Yes, sir.” The brothers’ tone was despondent but still had the military snap they were trying so hard to embody. It would be impressive, if Soundwave didn’t know it would disappear the second they turned their back.

Soundwave turned and walked back to the base, knowing his symbiotes would follow him obediently. Behind them, they heard harsh whispered insults and blames and the sound of metal-hitting-metal as the two cuffed each other petulantly, but Soundwave didn’t turn around to reprimand them again. The brothers had the sense to not start another snowball fight while Soundwave was not five feet from them.

At least, Soundwave hoped they did.

 


End file.
